By Myne Whitman
We all know that relationships can be tough. They begin with an awkward dating period where both persons are on their best behavior. After a few months, those curtains start to unravel and you begin to see shadows of the real person.
Men often make a number of relationship blunders during these crucial initial phases, and we’re here to help you recognize the ten worst ones. If you’re just getting started in a relationship, or part of a long-term affair, get pen and paper. (Or, you could just print it!). You’ll want to keep track of these tips.
#1 Giving a woman too much power.
Guys usually get into trouble when they allow a woman to have too much (if not all) of the control in a relationship. She decides when you go out; she decides when you have sex; she decides which friends you can keep; and may even decide what color slacks you should wear to a party.
These types of scenarios are classic examples of a man believing that he doesn’t deserve to be with a certain type of woman, or that he is in no position to make decisions on his own. If you’re a good man and deserve a good woman — you deserve a good relationship. Swinging the power surge closer to a 50-50 deal would be more beneficial for you. An even platform feels a whole lot better than a 80-20 deal — and you can’t afford to be on the 20 end of the spectrum.
#2 Trying to invoke too much of your own control.
Even though it is not recommended that you relinquish complete control of your relationship to the lady in your life, you also should not hoard it all for yourself. Power struggles can create a competitive environment, and there is no place for competition in a relationship. Truth be told, most people like some level of control in their lives and this includes relationships with significant others.
You should definitely try to work within respectable levels when it comes to control. Whether it’s your heavy-handed decision-making or a demanding attitude — women don’t like controlling men and a controlling guy reeks of insecurity.
#3 Believing that the good you do today will last until tomorrow.
Women have short memories. Flowers and candy mean that you love her today — but tomorrow is a new day and a new chance for you to prove your love all over again. A man tends to linger on his good motives and can’t understand it when his sweetie throws a hissy-fit while wearing the new dress he bought just three days ago.
Being a good boy scout doesn’t mean you are no longer obligated to do your chores. Keep doing the things you know are necessary for relationship success. Women appreciate good deeds, but they appreciate continuous good deeds even more.
#4 Being domineering or overly possessive.
If your mate tells you that she likes possessive, egotistical, iron-fisted dictators – then you’re in for the perfect relationship — (If your name is Joseph Stalin). However, most women can’t handle the jealous types and no woman wants to be told what to do.
Biblical principles tell us that a man should lead. However, this duty assignment calls for an enormous amount of responsibility and maturity. A man should never believe that his mate is beneath him spiritually, or emotionally – and relationship bonds should not turn women into possessions.
#5 Allowing family members or friends to dictate what happens in the relationship.
This is an absolute NO-NO. If you are married and allow your in-laws to have any measure of control over your relationship, you are undoubtedly treading on paper-thin ice.
Your wife should not be subjected to this either. Even if she allows you to take a bossy tone with her, she most certainly doesn’t appreciate it coming from your mama; your aunts; your cousins; or anyone else in your family. Women don’t like being told what to do (see Mistake #4), and it irks them even more when it’s coming from another woman.
You should not allow your wife’s family to make decisions that directly affect your relationship. Everybody has an opinion, but it’s the couple’s opinions that matter most. Outside opinions or ideas shouldn’t be used to influence your relationship bond.
#6 Always kissing up.
She’s your beautiful queen. A sugar-dumplin’, honey-spiced, chocolate bunny pie. But she’s also a human being. Which means if she commands respect, she also has the ability to return it.
Some people deserve respect simply because they exist:
a) Your mother – because she’s a woman and ushered your nappy-head into the world.
b) Women in general – because they’re women and the Good Bible tells us that we’re supposed to be respectful of the female entity.
Outside of this basic level of respect, all other respect is earned. Don’t be so apologetic (unless you’ve really screwed up); don’t assume that she’s always right; and don’t take the blame for something that isn’t your fault.
More importantly, don’t place your lady on such a high pedestal that she forgets where the ground is. A truly level-headed sista wouldn’t want to be that high, and may eventually resent being in a relationship with a big pushover.
If you are not exactly where you want to be in your life (financially, academically, or spiritually) — it’s okay. Women tend to focus more on the future, so you shouldn’t worry about having the world in your palm when you first meet.
Over time, most women will expect to see some progress and eventually some results. Try not to sit idle as life passes you by. Even if you’re not the biggest fish in the pond, being tenacious and goal-oriented is all any woman could ask for. If she’s asking for more, you might want to reconsider who you’re with.
#8 Choosing a woman based on appearance alone.
This is really dangerous, but all men know that it is difficult to look past the sexiness.
Physical attraction is extremely important, and men sometimes forget to investigate the other critical attributes they desire in a woman. Since we are from the ‘Planet of Imagery’, male judgment is often clouded in the beginning of a relationship. A man’s interest in physical compatibility may keep him from thinking about those other crucial attributes until it’s too late.
Don’t forget about essential qualities like compassion, compatibility, and whether or not she makes any sense when she speaks.
#9 Placing someone (anyone) or something before your mate.
This includes friends, relatives (See Mistake #5), co-workers, animals, your car, or your hobbies.
Granted, there will be times when you would like to hang with the boys, or occasions when you have extra work to do on some new project. But those things should never hold more meaning than your relationship. When a woman feels that someone or something is more important than she is, you may have problems getting her to respond to anything you have to say.
#10 Yielding to temptation from other women.
For some odd reason, women are frequently more attracted to men who are attached or already married. This isn’t a good thing if you’re in a strong relationship and have a weakness for lust. Your wife or girlfriend isn’t stupid — she knows that you can’t help but look at other women from time to time. But that’s as far as it goes.
If the tempter is cognizant of the situation and isn’t a woman of good moral character — (and she likely isn’t since she’s obviously seeking to tempt), she may not care about disrupting your relationship — especially if she knows you’re interested in stepping out of line.
Be vigilant when this happens. It takes a lot of patience and integrity to go against the grain. Being tempted is natural — yielding to it is stupid.
See more mistakes men make HERE