So many people enter into relationships without knowing or understanding fully well why they are entering it, there are also those that enter relationships for the wrong reasons…but come to think of it, what really is the essence of a relationship? What’s the essence of having someone to call your own?
I found this post on princelaj.com and it seemed to really touch a lot of corners on the subject…it is a bit long but it is really worth the read i promise!…enjoy and leave your thoughts below.
Many relationships fail because they always start on the wrong foot. No doubt relationships are perhaps one of the most complicated things to discern in the world. This is so because in it, we dealing with another mind other than ours; a mind we constantly try to unravel, one that has its own bearings and premonitions. Hence, we often give up once our desires are not being met or we cannot seem to penetrate through our partner and what goes on in their world. Above all because we are human too, with feelings of disappointments. Thus become downcast.
It is easy to determine the outcome of a relationship if only we can carefully evaluate our reasons for going into them. Too many a time, we go into relationships for these reasons: either as a result of loneliness, a crave for certain desires to be met or in most cases for financial/self highlighted gains. Consequently, we come out of such relationships battered and feeling a lot worse than we were before going into it. If you ask victims of failed relationships why it had not worked as they had planned? You get common excuses which usually are: responsibilities not being met, duties not fulfilled, desires not satisfied, incompatibility among others.
That then leads to these issues: what are the roles of the individuals in a relationship once they agree to court? Once a lady says the magical word “yes” agreeing to have a relationship, is that a license to take over her responsibilities and become her benefactor; the father figure? Is the “yes” a reason for the man to expect his lady to satisfy him in all its ramifications, to tend to him like he were her baby, living a life like he were the lord over her? In situations where they are not fulfilled, is it a reason to quit such relationship – relieving ourselves of all obligations to the other?
Like many other things in the world that has gone wrong, relationships have not been spared. They fail because our concept of it is wrong. Most relationships are started all for the wrong reasons; with prejudiced interests often hidden away from the other partner, or delicately concealed all in the bid to ensure we get what we want even if it has to be through deception. Our furnished considerations being our driving force, are with the most ridiculous intents.
The essence of a relationship ideally is supposed to be to find compatibility, reliance no matter how tangible, dedication, commitment, friendship and above all to find love with someone you’re comfortable to being yourself around knowing in your heart, you are supposed to be together. Relationship should not be a contract entered into for the return from it. After all, anyone who loves in the expectation of being loved in return is wasting their time! Indeed, such a person has lost even before it is started; for love truly is selfless – a feeling so powerful that it cannot exist in a vacuum. The truth in fact, is as AARTI KHURANA said “it is not about being in a relationship or being married. It is not about having a man at your side at all times. It is not about commitment and promises> Its is all about feeling secure and peaceful at night without having the fear of losing what you have got. It is all about feeling respected, understood and appreciated. It is all about peace of mind. It is all about the right person and the right time. It is all about being loved to the core”
I know many of you will be asking: Adeyinka, are you saying responsibilities are not supposed to be met or needs not provided for? Now, that sure is not my stand. It is pertinent that we are responsible, have integrity, be a shoulder to lean on and play our roles efficiently by supporting our partner when we can and in the best way we can. But let me ask bearing in mind that we ought to be altruistic in nature; is it an agreement solely for the purpose of self ingrained fulfillment? Is a partner a sponsor of the other? Some of you will be quick to remind me that love cannot buy you a meal as it is not a legal tender. And sure, you are so right.
However, there is something you all forget. It is just a relationship not marriage! None of the partners are under any obligation to go out of their means. It is not mandatory to take over the others liabilities like it is a cross; at least not until you are married to them. None is under any compulsion to be the nice one and shoulder the needs of the other and grant demands or wished like they were #Santa Claus. In relationships, our roles are purely that of support and encouragement. We should be allowed to use our discretion in carrying needs and wants. Those should not be the yardstick to why we are courting. It defeats the purpose of discovering each other. Otherwise, it is like a briber to create nebulous effects. These bills blind our objectivity and erodes our thoughts. All we see are the roses without thorns.
My mum used to tell me as a kid that no matter who I dated, I must ensure that shelving responsibilities were done equally and balanced. She would tell me if i open the door for my woman to seat in the care, she must return the gesture by opening my door from the inside. Plus a lady who really loves you will want to invest in you as well. She cannot be comfortable doing all the taking; she will want to give as well which makes it difficult for either of you to leave each other. Point is your heart is always where your treasure is. To be candid, someone who loves you and is a responsible person will know when you are in need without you asking and will have it utmost in their heart to make you happy by providing them. But once you make it a condition precedent to loving; they feel used and effectively use you in return. It is said that a woman’s loyalty is tested when her man has nothing while a man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything.
Your relationship should make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself; not abuse or use you! Else, you’re with the wrong one. So great people, find someone that is in love with your mind, someone that want to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you have built up around your mind and let them inside.
ADEKANYE ADEYINKA OLAJIDE (SOURCE-www.princelaj.blogspot.com)